please don’t talk to me about how much I used to shit on twitter if you ever heard me do that. If you never did or never gave a shit, that’s one confession: I totally did shit all over it all the time and now I really like it.
I keep realizing new things about Twitter because I never read the instructions (Wikipedia page), I just kind of made a thing, went on, and started twittering.
(I don’t like using the word “tweet,” at all, and I have a feeling that really lots of people don’t like saying it, and it has an effect on their involvement with it in this weird literal way that makes them never buy “moist towelettes.” I still don’t like saying it, but I tweet. there I said it.)
My recent discovery of the “mentions” tab was particularly rewarding, and I got to see my sisters sending me e-mails via twitter but even BETTER was seeing the TWO times that I’ve been mentioned, which is something different than re-tweeting. I think but I’m not even sure why that is.
@badbabykityn has fewer than 50 tweets to her name. If it’s fair to make projections about her personality based on these (which it isn’t) she would seem pious and maternal but also sanctimonious and desperate. She plays something called Zynga (a lot) and re-tweets LLCoolJ and Ludacris. And Joel Osteen. So far. She started the account in 2009. Here’s tweet #1. Joel Osteen was her latest tweet, on Halloween of this year.
Anyway, kitty mentioned something I said about Obama using the word “gangbangers” in the second debate. He was talking about people who we should deport, those who hurt communities and bang on gangs, or something. I know what he meant (sort of) but it was more about the word he used.
(…also something I don’t like saying. Can’t not think of group sex every time. And because it refers to group sex, I don’t actually have lots of instances where I use this word, and it bums me out when I hear it on TV and they’re not talking about people who are having group sex.)
I think she may have taken it as a different kind of slight against Obama, like I don’t like his filthy black mouth. But if I can take her out of context, she certainly can. I don’t care what she believes.
The EXACT Twitter opposite of this woman is ++=ME (
@BeautifuILove), the second mentioner. This young lady can be found “at one of my jobs, or the Bank”, but also stands in line for gray shoes and has 76 packs of gum. She has tweeted over 25,000 times. There are enough of them that are really funny, like this one and this one and this one. She tweets about fighting a lot, and she takes pictures of adorable young girls on their first day of school.
(one tweet of hers is kind of brilliant from a language perspective. I love what she’s done with the expression.)
++=ME mentioned something I said about when Geraldo said Trayvon Martin get shot because he wore a hoodie. Though I still haven’t a clue how she might have come upon that tweet just by accident.
I have no idea how to end all this except to say that the internets are vast, curious places.
Comedy You Can Sell!
This article from the NYTimes is about the ongoing stand-up comedy boom, written by a guy named Andrew Clark. Andrew takes a short amount of time to plug his comedy club, his book, and his stand-up comedy-college program and then goes on to make up some bullshit about some faction war between “alternative” comedy and club comedy today.
There very well may be this kind of dichotomy in stand-up as understood by comics. If there is, I couldn’t give a shit because I like things that are funny. If a comic likes to mumble jokes or do a kind of lip-bite nail-chew motion the entire time or tell stories with jokes in them or is a sexy gross-out comic or lays jokes out like Henny Youngman, I love hearing it because all of these people are funny. I’ve got my own sense of humor and I don’t care if the guy is a multi-month tour-bus dude or on his way up, it’s funny either way so I’m fan.
Clark says alt-comedy is “safe” because people in small venues don’t heckle (which is wrong), and how “real” comics can handle the brutal aggressiveness of crowds that…like them? I couldn’t figure it out. Hecklers are assholes. Some comics (like Burr) like it and say it makes them stronger, but hecklers are still assholes. Clark seems to imply that audiences at alt-shows are also bad audiences because they don’t subject comics to the mad rage of a Memorial Day Red Sox loss. Shows in coffeehouses are probably quieter and less heckle-y because they’re in a goddamned coffeehouse. Can you imagine heckling at a Starbucks? Man, talk about a rip-roaring evening of real comedy! Clark doesn’t consider the idea that silence can be as aggressive as drunk yelling.
He takes a brief time to talk about comedy podcasts, which he says have shown us that comedians can be “interesting, even deep, thinkers”, hastening to add that everyone already knew that. Also, is that all? What about podcasts showing us comics can be hysterical emotional people? What about variety-style, bit-driven* podcasts that aren’t meant to function as serious interviews? These have changed stand-up comedy too.
Bill Burr’s podcast (which Clark touts heavily) contains the same emotional, autobiographical material that Clark says is alt-comedy’s marginally successful M.O. He drives home the division of the “amateur class” vs. “professional class” of comedians, while at the same time bemoaning the as-late emergence of the hobbyist comic (see: aforementioned stand-up college program, which costs over $10k. Scrap some dough together and go to school in Canada for that hobby, bucko!).
Frankly, for all he’s doing just writing about stand-up in the NYTimes at least, he’s blowing sick all over it by being such a horse’s ass of a shill for his shit overall. Or maybe I listen to too much Eddie Pepitone.
* I use “driven” loosely for this particular podcast
One Two Three
There’s a whole lot of variations on the “Shit Girls Say” video. This is one of three in a series (#3 is bloopers!). They’re really fucking funny.
All the “Shit” videos appear to be made independently. There’s not even a set group making many of them. Some are great quality and some are not, but almost all of them are fun to watch. Like Shit Asian Dads Say. There’s also “Shit [someone] says to [someone]” versions (white girls to black girls; people to Native Americans). Almost all of these are performed by the person to whom the shit is being said. For my money, some of the best involve men in drag (Fat Girls, Single Girls).
Funnier still, the best way to take your pick of a big list of them is to YouTube search, simply, “Shit”, for hopefully the first time in your life.
3) And finally: Welcome… to Jurassic Park
-Maria Bamford (on Conan) said Paul Deen’s recipes sound like suicide notes.
(UPDATE) SADDER STILL: Paula Deen’s contribution to Oprah’s magazine’s 6-word memoir series. The current issue.